Are you numbing yourself with your to-do list?
"Am I numbing myself with my never ending long list of to-dos?"
That's the question I heard in my head after another hectic morning of trying to get 3 kids fed and out the door on ⏰ (while dumping laundry ✅ into the dryer and ✅ making sure each kid had shoes).
I felt empty and noticed I was moving too fast.
These were the same type of feelings I used to have with food. Consuming quickly without awareness and then feeling guilty afterwards.
And not to worry mama, I didn't feel guilty (no time for that), instead I got curious.
Because this one little question/awareness led me to exploring how I could do it differently next time (aka in a few hours / after pick up).
Also, I had recently learned the Pareto Principle (aka 80/20 Rule). Apparently 20% of your efforts produce 80% of your results…so if I did something only 2% better next time, it would actually yield 8% better results…applies to food and kids (lol).
So here's what I did (and try daily) especially in those "empty" times when I want to experience deeper connection and without sacrificing a tidy house.
It’s called the act of observing. Sounds simple, because it is.
Here’s what I've learned, when we slow down (even for just a minute) we become present enough to truly take in the little things.
- The Gift of Presence: when we observe our kids with undivided attention (note: I now stop washing the dishes when my kids are behind me asking questions), we gift them the purest form of love – our time and presence. Research shows that children of present parents tend to have higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and improved cognitive development (yes, please).
- Engage your senses: This one is my favorite, because it’s so easy and takes less than 20 seconds. Try listening to your child's laughter or feel the texture of their tiny hands or smell the scent of their hair or skin (or breath)…By anchoring ourselves in these fleeting moments through our senses, we cultivate a deep connection that transcends time.
- Embracing Impermanence: Buddhism teaches that nothing is permanent. The crayon-scribbled walls and sticky fingers are transient phases that will evolve into new chapters. Embrace impermanence with grace and humor (side note: a little trick I learned from Sean Stephenson, the 3ft giant) is to ask “what’s funny about this moment?” or “what could be funny about this?” especially in those really crazy moments. It disrupts the emotional trigger and has worked wonders in my relationship with my husband and my children.
- The Butterfly Effect: your presence extends far beyond the present moment. When children witness us cherishing the moment through observation, they learn the art of observation themselves. These lessons shape their perceptions, relationships, and how they engage with the world.
So try it, see if it adds any magic to your mornings like it has mine.
Your phone, the laundry and the never ending list of “important” things to do will still be there.
So much love,
Satya
