The Hardest Part of Being Their Safe Place

Ever notice how your child can be perfectly polite with their teacher, your grumpy neighbor or that stranger at the market—but the moment they’re with you (alone), it’s all clinging, crying, screaming, meltdowns, and total emotional implosion?

Welcome to motherhood.

And congrats.
They feel safe with you.

Kids save their biggest feelings—their messiest, most unfiltered, and overwhelming behavior—for the person who feels like home. That’s you, mama. And while that’s beautiful, it’s also… a lot.

Safety = Storms

You’re the soft landing, which means your child’s nervous system knows it can unravel in your presence. But let’s be honest:
Being the safe place doesn’t always feel safe.

Last night, I flipped out over the house being a disaster while everyone else was playing Clue and laughing. Someone got whiny about something random and I snapped.
I felt guilty immediately—but I realized I wasn’t fully resourced. My cup was empty. I hadn’t eaten. I hadn’t had five minutes alone all day. I wasn’t okay—and I expected myself to mother like I was.

When I’m Full, I Can Witness (Not React)

There’s a huge difference between witnessing your child’s meltdown and getting pulled into the tornado with them.

When I’ve made space to nourish myself—even just a little—I’m able to say:
“Wow, this is a lot… but it’s not mine to fix. I can hold it without falling apart.”

When I’m depleted? I yell. I crumble. I spiral. I shame myself.

So here’s what I’ve learned:

6 Tiny Ways to Fill Your Cup (So You Can Hold Theirs)

You don’t need a week off in Italy (though, yes please). Start small. Here’s what helps me when I feel like I’m drowning in everyone else’s needs:

1. A warm drink alone – Even five minutes sipping tea before the house wakes up. I personally formulated this tea “Calm It Down Mama” for these exact moments.
2. Step outside barefoot – Let the earth calm your nervous system. I sometimes even just stare at a tree or a plant, somehow watching them thrive in a planter reminds me that I can thrive anywhere too.
3. It’s okay to say no – To one more errand, one more plan, one more activity, one more"should."
   
4. Take a 2-minute body scan – Close your eyes and breathe from toes to head. (I’d be happy to send a short recording of this, just hit reply if you’re interested and I can make it!)
   
5. Put on music that feels like you – Not Cocomelon. You, mama.
   
6. Text a friend – Not to vent, just to say: “I’m here. Are you here too?”

Ask for Help (Before You Explode)

Help doesn’t always mean a babysitter or a getaway, it might look like:

• Saying: “Mama needs 10 minutes alone before dinner.”
  
• Asking your partner: “I could use extras support tonight, can you take over bedtime tonight so I can take a walk?”
  
• Letting go of the need to do it perfectly in order to feel worthy.
  

You're not failing when you fall apart. You're just over-capacity. And that’s your signal—not to try harder, but to soften, to receive, to come back to yourself.

A Love Note Before You Go

If your child is melting down with you—it means you’re doing something right.
They trust you enough to fall apart.

But you need someone to fall apart with, too.
Or at least a soft place to land inside yourself.

So mama, ask for what you need.
Take five minutes before everyone wakes up.
Breathe. Be still.
And remember: You get to matter, too.

With love,
 Satya 

💛 Gentle Invitations

• Try our Calm It Down Mama Tea

• Try our Soak It Up Mama Bath Soak - I love taking baths (even in the morning before anyone wakes up, something about the quiet time for myself makes me feel super energized. 

What’s one way you filled your own cup today? Share it in the comments—we’d love to hear.